Vinsanity Joins the Light Show

26 06 2009

Are you ready for a light show that will eclipse Disney’s?

The New Jersey Nets’ Vince Carter and Ryan Anderson have been traded to the Orlando Magic for Rafer Alston, Tony Battie and Courtney Lee.

You knew the Magic were going to move Rafer.  One: Jameer Nelson, their injured All-Star point guard, will be 100% healthy on opening day.  Two: if the tail-end of the Finals were any indication, Rafer would have gotten absolutely no burn next season had they kept him.  Three: Rafer’s a solid veteran rotation player with an expiring contract.  But I did not expect they would get Vince-freakin’-Carter.

If the Magic are able to lock Hedo Turkoglu, can you imagine how much firepower their starting five will have?

Nelson will be running the offense.  Vince and Rashard Lewis will be near the wings. And Dwight Howard would lock down the paint.  This is a recipe for success especially if Dwight Howard develops some semblance of a post-game or at least a countermove.

A major acquisition by a team fresh off a Finals berth bucks the recent trend.  It is a bold move by Magic GM Otis Smith but I think it’s ingenious.

Generally, Finals teams sit on their rosters during the next summer.  They may pick up a player with a mid-level contract but they have not made any huge splashes. After their recent Finals appearances, the Heat, Mavericks, Spurs, Cavs, Celtics and Lakers all sat on their hands during the summer.  With the exception of the Lakers, none of the other teams really had enough potential to get better with their transactional inertia.

Losing Courtney Lee is a marginal loss because Mickael Pietrus is still around to provide solid defense and can hit system-created 3-pointers.  Losing Tony Battie is also a marginal loss because of Marcin Gortat’s wonderfully-adequate defense and rebounding.

It’s a huge win for everyone on the Magic and it finally gives Vince Carter a real opportunity to silence his doubters.  He can follow in the footsteps of Kevin Garnett and shed the erroneous “loser” label like a Jonas Brother stepping into a middle school.  I’ve got my Mickey Mouse ears on and I’m ready to go.

Top 5 Obnoxious NBA Celebrations

8 03 2008

I dusted off the ol’ N64 this morning and tried playing Kobe Bryant’s Courtside. I played as the Lakers and took on the Rockets’ triumvirate of Charles Barkeley, Clyde Drexler and Hakeem Olajuwon.

After every one of Shaquille’s monster awkward-spin-to-fadeaway buckets, he would do his patented duck walk. I wondered, which current NBA players have the most obnoxious celebrations…

5. Shaquille O’Neal


Shaq’s duck walk after his dunk is really more funny than obnoxious. Is it wrong to get excited whenever the Big Fella dances or does something agile?

Although, the duck walk is probably much easier to explain. It may just be an impression of Rosie O’Donnell running in A League of Their Own. I’ll have to check back with him on that.

4. Vince Carter


Whenever Vince Carter does something he likes, he runs up the court and mimics driving a motorcycle. I don’t know why but Vince Carter seems a bit big to fit on one of those things and therefore probably hasn’t driven one before. I remember during one of the recent All-Star games, VC hit a three and ran up the court snarling while doing the motorcycle thing.

On the ensuing play, Tracy McGrady dunked it nasty, looked at Carter and started mocking his motorcycle. Looks like T-Mac stole his cousin’s Big Wheels.

3. Dikembe Mutombo


I used to love Dikembe’s finger-wag. It was bad-ass when he was able to look straight at someone and say “give me your first-born.”

But now it’s really lame. We can’t see it in all its glory anymore because he gets T-ed up for taunting. So, now when Dikembe takes someone’s lunch money, he can only kind of half-heartedly wag his crazy-long finger. What a shame. Come on, let the 41-year-old kids play.

2. Quentin Richardson and Darius Miles


First of all, no one understands why they bump their heads after a bucket. They refuse to acknowledge that they do it much less tell anyone what it means. I suspect it’s some sort of Chicago thing that I don’t know about.

Q and Darius are probably just checking if their heads are on straight because Q is shooting 36% from the field and Darius is, well, Darius Miles.

1. Damon Jones


And finally, the most obnoxious NBA celebration goes to the most obnoxious baller. It is anything that Damon Jones does. Can someone tell him that he’s not the second-coming of Steve Kerr?

But hold on, 6.7 points a game really warrants some celebration, right? The 39% career clip from 3 probably beefs up his resume as well.

Maybe he doesn’t realize that he’s not the one winning games. It’s been Shaq, D-Wade and LeBron that have given him any kind of success. The mighty Damon Jones is truly Gary Payton with no game.