Top 5 Obnoxious NBA Celebrations

8 03 2008

I dusted off the ol’ N64 this morning and tried playing Kobe Bryant’s Courtside. I played as the Lakers and took on the Rockets’ triumvirate of Charles Barkeley, Clyde Drexler and Hakeem Olajuwon.

After every one of Shaquille’s monster awkward-spin-to-fadeaway buckets, he would do his patented duck walk. I wondered, which current NBA players have the most obnoxious celebrations…

5. Shaquille O’Neal


Shaq’s duck walk after his dunk is really more funny than obnoxious. Is it wrong to get excited whenever the Big Fella dances or does something agile?

Although, the duck walk is probably much easier to explain. It may just be an impression of Rosie O’Donnell running in A League of Their Own. I’ll have to check back with him on that.

4. Vince Carter


Whenever Vince Carter does something he likes, he runs up the court and mimics driving a motorcycle. I don’t know why but Vince Carter seems a bit big to fit on one of those things and therefore probably hasn’t driven one before. I remember during one of the recent All-Star games, VC hit a three and ran up the court snarling while doing the motorcycle thing.

On the ensuing play, Tracy McGrady dunked it nasty, looked at Carter and started mocking his motorcycle. Looks like T-Mac stole his cousin’s Big Wheels.

3. Dikembe Mutombo


I used to love Dikembe’s finger-wag. It was bad-ass when he was able to look straight at someone and say “give me your first-born.”

But now it’s really lame. We can’t see it in all its glory anymore because he gets T-ed up for taunting. So, now when Dikembe takes someone’s lunch money, he can only kind of half-heartedly wag his crazy-long finger. What a shame. Come on, let the 41-year-old kids play.

2. Quentin Richardson and Darius Miles


First of all, no one understands why they bump their heads after a bucket. They refuse to acknowledge that they do it much less tell anyone what it means. I suspect it’s some sort of Chicago thing that I don’t know about.

Q and Darius are probably just checking if their heads are on straight because Q is shooting 36% from the field and Darius is, well, Darius Miles.

1. Damon Jones


And finally, the most obnoxious NBA celebration goes to the most obnoxious baller. It is anything that Damon Jones does. Can someone tell him that he’s not the second-coming of Steve Kerr?

But hold on, 6.7 points a game really warrants some celebration, right? The 39% career clip from 3 probably beefs up his resume as well.

Maybe he doesn’t realize that he’s not the one winning games. It’s been Shaq, D-Wade and LeBron that have given him any kind of success. The mighty Damon Jones is truly Gary Payton with no game.