USA Demolishes Argentina

22 08 2008

In my best Bill Walton impression…

If ever there was a Basketball Dictionary, a picture of this version of the Dream Team would appear next to the definition of “Excellence.”  It would also appear next to the definition of “Teamwork,” “Hustle,” “Defense,” “Incredible,” “Domination” and “Bombastic.”

And by “bombastic,” I mean that the Red, White and Blue has just dropped a bomb on Argentina.  No, this was not a nuclear bomb but it was a different kind of bomb.  A bomb of goodness that has wakened the rest of the world and given them an envelope that contained an invitation to see how basketball should be played.  RSVP at your own risk, World.

The stirring giant that is the United States Basketball Program has finally emerged from its slumber.  Manu Ginobili, a bit player in the NBA, was just man-handled by Kobe Bryant.  Ginobili has a lot of heart but he just does not possess the skill nor basketball prowess of a Kobe Bryant.

Bryant is quite possibly the best living creature in the solar system.  Jason Kidd is the best leader in the history of Western civilization.  And LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Carmelo Anthony were like streaking asteroids approaching the planet Argentina.  They’re just waiting to cripple it and begin a new Ice Age.  An age where USA rules supreme once again.

Their style is impetuous.  Their defense: impregnable.  And they are just ferocious.

Dwight Howard was like a man among boys walking around the playground and kicking Luis Scola and Fabricio Oberto off of the swings.  I can see it now: the parents come to defend Scola and Oberto until they realize that it is Dwight Howard.  And then they pay homage.  Throw it down, big man.  Throw it down!

Coach K is the greatest coach of all time.  His style of play has revolutionized the world of basketball.  Mike D’Antoni, Jim Boeiheim, Nate McMillan, and all of the assistant coaches should take a page out of this great one’s play book.  He is the epitome of class and the American way.

And now they have the Spanish team between them and their manifest destiny.  The gold medal is within reach.  It’s unfortunate that the Spanish team will only serve as a pedestal for this unbeatable, unbelievable, ubiquitous Team USA.  Soon, they will take the title of “Greatest Team of All Time.  Ever.”

… and end Bill Walton impression.


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6 responses

22 08 2008
delajed

It’s only a shame that Boris Diaw isn’t American, nor on the US team.

22 08 2008
mao

Haha, well done. My favorite Waltonism was his “you should’ve seen the beach at dawn…it was GLORIOUS”

22 08 2008
Ryan

My favorite part

“Manu Ginobili, a bit player in the NBA”

22 08 2008
Ryan

…”

23 08 2008
mao

Though Walton’s assertion that Robert Horry is the greatest inbound passer in NBA history is pretty classic.

23 08 2008
K-man

Haha, the Horry inbound one was classic. Saying Steve Nash was the most unathletic player in the league was funny but one of my favorites was his exchange with Tom Hammond about Stockton…

Bill: John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western Civilization!
Tom: Wow, that’s a pretty strong statement. I guess I don’t have a good handle on world history.
Bill: Well Tom, that’s because you didn’t go to UCLA.

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